Week 11 - Making Room for Connection

Ah, the holiday season. Hustle and bustle abounds and the weather, at least here in the Twin Cities, is getting in on the fun. We've had nearly two feet of snow in the past 10 days and are on pace to break records for the snowiest December in recorded history. Not only has work been busy and taxing, but there's still the rest of life to tend to...right now occupied mainly by shoveling and last minute holiday preparations.

I've managed to keep up with my meditations, but only marginally. I've been taking for granted the fact that I've been doing daily meditation for nearly three months and allowing a quick five minute sit mere moments before I fall into a deep exhausted sleep to count for something. At least I'm showing up, I tell myself. But how present am I being, really? Aren't I just going through the motions? Is that OK?

But the real question that plagues me when life throws me every curve ball in the book is, "In times like this, where is the room for quiet time?"

It seems that when we need it the most, our quest for silence and reconnection gets cut. It's no problem to carve out time for meditation when life is reasonable and we have some time to spare. But how do we keep the priority intact when we can barely get the laundry done so we have something to wear to work tomorrow?

I think the answer is that we find our quiet time wherever we can get it. These are the times when we put meditation to work in our ever-chaotic, endless to-do-list, daily lives. Take a few conscious breaths while stopped at the stoplight. Offer a silent wish of loving kindness to the other people in line with you at the post office. Before pulling out the cell phone to multi-task while you drive, or turning on the radio, allow yourself to drive in silence...notice the scenery, the way the snow alights on the branches, the joy in how the dog out for a walk is wagging its tail. Find peace in the in-between moments. Let the love of life come to you.

The only way we don't have room for quiet time is if we forget that it is all around us if we open to it, if we choose it. It might come in fits and starts. It might be more challenging than we can imagine to focus on our breathing in the small moments available to us rather than turning over all our energy to our minds in hopes of keeping us on task with our duties in the world. Compassion with ourselves is key. We need to remember that connection is up to us.

Am I proud of my incredibly short and scattered meditations this week? No. I'd love to be able to sit longer and give 100% of my energy and my presence to the task at hand. But what I'm realizing is that maybe I am giving 100% -- 100% of what I have to offer in that moment. And that that's enough.

Because what about all the brief moments I remembered to stop during the day to breathe, to smile at others, to enjoy the beauty of the winter wonderland that surrounds me...even if that moment occurs while shoveling? Meditation means nothing if the practice of making room for connection doesn't spill over into our daily lives.

May your holiday be filled with the moments of peace that dance along naturally with the moments of chaos. May you make room for all that means the most to you this holiday season. And I will do the same.//

Holding Space

Last fall, a friend introduced me to Vipassana, which is an ancient form of insight meditation practice based on the concept of seeing things as they are. By watching the breath, observing the body and its sensations and how these sensations condition the mind, which in turn informs action, self-transformation can take place. Typically, Vipassana retreats last a minimum of ten days, however we attended a three-day retreat. After an intense three days of silence, alternating sitting meditation with walking meditation, I knew that the time was too short and that I needed more.

After the retreat, I tried to incorporate this meditation into my daily life with little success. For Christmas, I asked for a zafu meditation cushion, sure that this was they key to what I needed to support my fledgling practice. Until last weekend, the cushion sat in my closet. I have no where to put it, I reasoned. So, in the closet it sat. I've pulled it out and used it a couple times, randomly here and there. But the point of course, is to make a daily ritual of it. This is especially important as I prepare for a ten-day Vipassana retreat in July (gulp!).

As with all new things we introduce into our lives, they require a certain amount of dedication, discipline and resolve. And a willingness to explore our own process and determine what we honestly need to make the new habit, whatever it is, possible. Excuses abound if we let them. My favorite excuse is that our house is modestly sized and I don't have my own meditation space. I do, however, have an elaborate sketch of my ideal studio especially for writing, painting, yoga and meditation, in view of what would be my magnificent flower and vegetable gardens, and acres of trees. For some future house, at some future time. Which does nothing for me or my mediation practice now.

Last Sunday, I was in our office and in a flash, saw my meditation cushion nestled in a small space between two bookshelves. Ah ha! I thought. I pulled out a tablecloth I had purchased at a flea market years ago for no other reason than I fell in love with the pattern and the fabric (which has incidently almost never been used for its original purpose), and smoothed it out on the floor, in half, to mark the space I would need. I fished the cushion from the depths of the closet and set it on the tablecloth on the floor. The space is small; my husband and I share the office and while it's more or less out of the way, it's awkward. And, it's perfect.

In the spirit of Vipassana, of seeing things as they are, we need to be present to what is currently available to us and live from there. It doesn't mean we abandon all dreams for the future. Being present to our circumstances and living inclusive of them rather than in spite of them, we are able to create the space -- literally or figuratively -- for whatever we need to live our fullest life. Having my cushion holding space for me makes it infinitely easier for me to show up to the task...however, it is still up to me to get there.//