"When we meditate, we center ourselves and listen to that still small voice within. We are tapping into the silence of being. It is in the golden silence of our own selves that the divine is found." ~James Van Praagh
As I move into the second "trimester" of this meditation project, I realize -- as I imagine pregnancy must be -- I have found my rhythm. I'm settling into the newness, the changes, and am comfortable with the shifts and movements of my life. Upon waking and right before I go to bed each day I sit for at least fifteen minutes...sometimes more but not less if I can help it, and I usually can. It's familiar enough to me now that, gratefully, I don't fight it. I appreciate the time to settle in with my breath, to distill the dreams of the night and the experiences of the day. There is time and space for gratitude, for peace and for stillness. Time to let go, to be with what is -- whatever it may be -- and to not need to know.
Know what? Anything.
Generally, I'd say I like broad sweeping statements of finality and to use words like "always" and "never". I guess it has the power to makes me feel safe, secure. As if I know what I'm talking about. As if I'm in control. Of course this is normal -- life is inherently uncertain, and it's human to want to fight and push and pull to make things appear as concrete as we can, even if just to make ourselves feel better.
But life is transient. Things change.
So I've been wondering...isn't it easier somehow to learn to be with this fleeting nature of things, finding ways to appreciate what we have when we have it rather than entertaining this desire for permanence and control that we, as a society, have accepted as normal? In all the meditation literature I've read they talk about becoming unattached as the means of being with what is impermanent. But that seems so esoteric to me...unattainable. I'm likely oversimplifying things, but it also brings to mind images of people who are cold, unfeeling or otherwise disengaged. I'm in this because I want to live more -- feel more -- not less.
At the very least then, perhaps if we learn how to befriend that which is permanent and eternal -- our own divinity, our own breath, our own inner silence which is the life force energy that inhabits all of Nature...us included -- perhaps this will satisfy the need we have to feel some semblance of control over our lives, no matter what comes our way. Perhaps befriending the divine will allow us to trust that yes, change will come, AND we will respond by adapting as needed without having to have our finger on the pulse of every how or when or why.
The longer this project goes on, the more I settle into my process, as I learn to filter out the external distractions and honor what works for me, I realize I know less and less. And less. Normally, this wouldn't sit well...at all. The big surprise is that I'm finding it's OK -- I don't need to know everything (gasp!).
I guess things really do change...and it's not all bad.//